Just go out to dinner with another guy.The drinks with another. If he still doesn't want to commit, then I'd say, you can still see him, but consider seeing other guys, too. To a guy, calling a girl is girlfriend is typically a huge pain in the ass. Well its not gonna work, thanks to Eric Charles and all the commenters on this website. But still, their opinion sometimes does get stuck in my head. Im wondering if youre able to help me out in my situation? Together we ARE a couple.. Hand holding, awesome dates, spending the night. The next day he phones me at midnight knowing i go to my favourite club every friday (where we met) confirming i was out and asking did i want to meet up as he was in town too i told him i would phone him back. Hi, im with this guy for 6 months now. personally agreed the realtionship couldnt be change tremendously as what you expect when your boyfriend is just not a guy that youre looking for but you insist to stick with him and want him to change on some way. Perhaps you have been on a few dates with the guy, but are simply waiting for the next step. You deserve better. We started going out together less and less and he was not inviting me out. . In my experience, making it official or saying those words just ruins the relationship. Then changed his mind after a week and said he still wasnt ready and timing was off. Weve only had sex like.. 3-5times. I understand what youre going through. Sign up for ourfree newsletterand get a free chapterof our book,"He's NotThat Complicated". Thanks for your advice, Eric. I never asked for a title. At the end of the weekend, he was still unsure and so I said it was best if we went our seperate ways. It was beautiful. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. We never had sex but we got close. Sounds like he just wants a f****-buddy on-call. i have been talking to this guy since october first off i have yet to get taken on a date dont get me wrong im all about doing the chillen at home watching a movie thing but his excuse is that his finacially unable to take me out ,but on fb ill see he went here or there .he will call me one time out the day usually at night bcuz he works and his phone is not currently on but i see he is still able to get on facebook ..so why cant i get a goodmorning or hows your day going going ..if that is his only way of communicating with me why isnt he taking advantage of it ? At times i felt like i was just a convenience and I work out for his schedule and he uses me for his company since he pretty much has no life because of his schedule. He did invite me to meet his mother when she came to town he has one brother that he speaks to seldomly and lives out of state. It hurts because I always thought I wasnt good enough or he didnt like me.. but I think it has to do more with him not wanting to be tied down, like you said. So just be yourself and enjoy the people you date The right man will find you, when you are ready, We met online, but luckily we live in the same city. Summer is almost over and how many more times in life are we going to be able to be together? Another possibility is that he sees himself as single and youre a friend with benefits. Were actually friends.. We became friends few weeks ago as we were on a holiday together with other friends aswell. We got a taxi back to mine and i had found out he up and left his friends birthday to come see me (which i told him he shouldnt have!) to make a long story to the point, we enjoy each and see each other a few times a week. Despite us enjoying the company, it felt as though we depended on each other, so I have stopped seeing him every other day, and just give the occasional text message. Bringing it up once is enough, trust me. he never tell me he loves me and he admitted that it is hard for him to have a girlfriend because his job, he is not sure abut his future, he is not ready for settling down. He is middle aged and Im in my late thirties. Everything is pretty much perfect- we love spending time together, he really cares about me, we spend almost every night together, and were pretty much a couple in the conventional sense. Would you be able to explain that feeling or what is so complicated? I wish the other girls on this site would take this approach Men love a challenge and unfortunately being Ms. Goody and devoted does not work in the initial phase of dating. Sweetn is a new research-based startup that shows you how to call love into your life with the power of your mind. It sounds like a double standard! Its one syllable. Im obviously in a similar boat or I wouldnt be here. Dont be this girl. SO i feel like IIIII put that thought in his head that we shud be friends. Even if you make good money that is just, NOT fun. If you feel like your ex is acting . i promise if you can do that it will work because deep down he loves you ALOT more then you think..now its your time to bring out the best in him, and he will be forced to make changes and become closer with you then you could imagine not out of guilt but LOVE. I asked if they had slept together and he said no he also said he wasnt ready for a relationship and he didnt know how he would feel, that at the moment he enjoys seeing me 2/3 times a week and would commit to not seeing anyone else so I dont know what to do. Another trap is being in a relationship that you ARE totally happy in, then letting your friends advice get into your head. Ive been wondering for awhile why he hasnt asked me to be his gf yet..we both tell each other that we really like one another. he thinks have a GF means get married and settle down soon. We just have to find the right guy!! We live in a small town and I know he heard about it. I love hearing that thanks! . Hes using you, too. You are right about not getting caught up in anger and hating which I fully confess I am guilty of 100 percent. The area hasn't experienced the same urban development as much of . Youre not giving him a chance for him to miss you and therefore not motivating him to take the relationship to the next step. If you dont trust your strength and judgement enough in relationships to walk away when all the signs are there, stay away from relationships until you do. He told me he really appreciated my honesty, he thinks im an amazing woman but he cant get into a relationship because hes been hurt before, hes got a very busy life & he needs to do some soul searching before he can even think about commiting so all he can offer me is friendship. . I am slowly trying to not have him be such a huge part of my life, not answering to his every begging call, declining invitations to hang out when he does ask to see me. Something to think about. If a guy wont call you his girlfriend after a month (two months tops), then I would say it means that hes enjoying the relationship exactly where it is and at this moment will not take it any further unless he is inspired to. Be the best you can, be happy, yourself when you are with him, and if he does not like you enough to want to make things official then it isnt worth it. He was with his daughter and he was tearful, thinking Id been with someone else ?? Is it a bad sign that he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend? Besides, some people just luck out the first time with a good guy, and they dont know any better about relationships than anyone else. In the meantime, she plays supportive friend with benefits and gives him time to heal. And you have to have a talk and set ground rules. I would feel so guilty if I was intimate with a man and then fed him some line. I totally understood..my heart was crying buckets of tears for what could BE?? He kept saying he was, that he wanted to be more than just friends, and that he wouldnt bring me to meet his friends and family if he wasnt. Hes going to avoid the committment. Why cant he commit since he likes me? We have been on one date since then, and we had a lot of fun. One of my guy friends.. a dear life long friend, who likes my not boyfriend a lot said something yesterday that really hit home. Hope this helps :-). In the words of Eric above: keep your time and company only as available as he is willing to be match your level of commitment to his so that you are not left hanging., I have the same problem. I did finally get my divorce finalized five months ago and we are still dating he plans trips with me we plan we can getaways together but I never leave my items at his home. We had a messy breakup, and talked on and off for like two years before getting back together. He reassured me that he did not want me to see anyone else still, but just wasnt ready to call me his girlfriend. Hes admitted it and so have I. I couldnt leave a voicemail because its not set up on his phone and hasnt been for awhile. Heyy friends, Ive been reading some of your comments and I really like how everyones helping each other out. Wish he could have said it sooner! I know he still has some healing to do and I know they wont get back together but I am confused and I am scared that if I hang around, I will get more feelings but they will just use me as a companion or distraction until someone special comes along. Thinkin about this is driving me crazy. By the way, thanks Eric Charles for a great blog. I often get little crushes on guys in my classes who I think are handsome. We have been friends for about two and an half years and have been dating for just two months. If hes not ready for a relationship then that is the truth of the matter and we need to stop making excuses for him and stop making excuses for ourselves. At first I have found it difficult, but slowly I am gaining confidence back again to join social groups. I was so upset. Dont spend one more moment with this guy as it shuts the door on you finding someone who will treat you like royalty, as you very much deserve. So im just waiting to see where it goes, theres no rush. One is staying in a relationship you are not happy in and havent been happy in for a while, but youre staying in it because of the potential of what it could be., Frankly, if you dont like it the way it is, it probably will not change unless he is motivated to change it. He has showed that he likes me alot, and he is always reaching out to me and has also complained that i never hit him up. I know he cares about me casue hes brought me around his family and friends and spends every weekend with me. I want to wait for him, but at the same time I dont. but, if you really want a relationship and the signs arent pointed that way, it is best just to move on. I work with men and women and Ive never shifted the responsibility or blame onto any one gender. A lot of men are frightened of commitment but not all. I said Okay fine, we ended up hanging out and I guess he never deleted me .. my phone was just weird any whom I stayed friends with him but we started hanging out everyday..like everyday! He may not officially ask you to be exclusive, but he'll show his commitment to you in other ways. Its not because they are a man. really thank you vry much eric charles..the advices u have given and your chapters are vry useful to me..i have knewed wt r d mistakes i had been doing with my boyfriend..keep guiding me ..thanking you whole heartedly <3 :-). OR he just doesnt know how to approacj the situation with the object of his affection. Promise. If we werent on the same page I didnt want to waste my time wondering and waiting for him to man up. Although I am not an expert. I love him, but after two months of waiting for him to tell anyone and i really have not badgered him at all about it, is it really worth it for me to stay? I'm going to guess, no sorry but from the horses mouth!!!!! Help! 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House. I hope it is the best idea. His brother knows about me or so he saids. Im a Taurus woman dating a virgo man. If you always leave after the first small dis, you wont be around for any larger ones and I know you all out there can look back at your relationships and tell me exactly when that first small dis occurred. And my schedule is just work and school, and I always have one day a week off and he knows that. He said he has been having dreams about his ex (the one he only got closure from 3 months back during his holiday). I am in that situation where I have been seeing someone for 9 months but he wont fully commit by calling me his girlfriend. Ive spent six weeks now picking up the pieces of my very shattered self and am trying to get on with my life and try to forget the six months of the BS non-relationship I was in. ? Oh yeah, a very important relationship tip that I learned from an ex boyfriend (we are exes because he became an addict again) Anyway, he said (and never forget this) Dis small = Dis Big. She told me he is SO great you would be stupid not to snatch this man up before someone else does and instantly started nagging and pressuring me about locking this thing down and over the past two weeks I have suddenly started doubting him and his intentions and the relationship. Am thinking of ending the relationship cos am the kind that likes stability and commitment in a relationship. he was all mine now he is not. Ive always pointed out how unattractive neediness is for *men and women*. We are staying for that hope, that things will get better. And let me tell you, there is no excuse for him misleading her or lying to the her and saying in so many ways say they are what they are not (exclusive) and then trying to come out like he was not at fault because since you two were not BF/GF hence, there was never a relationship. For my guy, he doesnt want me sleeping with anyone else but also doesnt want in on a relationship just yet. Im in college and when my classes started, and he had work and his grad classes (we go to the same school) seeing each other became very rare. Stick to your gut. You could decide hes not worth the uncertainty and dump him. If hes still in so much pain why be in a relationship? Soon after we became more of a Friends with benefits situation we saw eachother one nite a week for a couple of weeks & had some fun. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer for this one. My mate wont call me his girlfriend because he doesnt know where it will lead, nor does he want to be labelled, especially when he has other things on his mind. We finally got back together in January && weve been spending close to every night && most weekends together since. Really helpful and eye opening. . He is often at least somewhat affectionate with me in public, so what is the dealwhy is a relationship any different from all of these things we are already doing? Ive spent so long on him already, and keep on, deep down , thinking that eventually it will all work out. i have no form of way to even ever talk to him if i wanted too,ut i love him with all my heart, thank you so much,iv made up my mind that im going to give him is space.giving him space was never an objective in my mind,the one and only thing that i was and kind of still worrie about is losing him,i just keep telling myself that hell come back.thank you so much for your advise,it really helped:). Once your nerves are calm you will be able to see the situation for what it is. MEMII YOUR POST WAS THE SMARTEST ONE I READ ON THIS SITE.you are absolutely correct. Its that simple. Only you know if the relationship is working for you or not. We are so close, Ive met his family and he has met mine. thats why sometimes he is so skeptical about things because he thinks things like this cant be real. At around the 4 month mark, after I heard him mention that he enjoyed his freedoom and liked being single, I asked him if he really wanted a relationship and what exactly are we doing if you do not? i have been with this guy for a little more than a year. He KNOWS IM INTO HIM AND HE KNOWS I LIKE HIM A LOT!! @ Kayla quintero, You have made the right choice, in giving him some. Leave him a message stating your no bodies 2nd option. And added to that is the stark reality that once men get 40, they automatically want to date women about 10 years younger than they are, as women their age are suddenly too old. what should i do? We went out on New Years Eve, and he was very standoffish. Did I ruin my chances with him ? But he avoids the topic of who are we and what we are doing and what direction were headed. That was our 3 months. We spent time together that night as a couple would. Hi Liz, I am into astrology too, but aside from signs indicating compatibility, there is our free will which is not under the aegis of God or astrology or anything else. Hmmm. or if I had said some thing about how much longer are we going to be doing what we are doing he will reply with so basically its shit or get off the pot? We ended up in a bunch of things where I officially deleted him off everything and OFF my bbm. I dated this guy years ago, not exclusively,then he married another. He would say he thought I was pretty, that my eyes were beautiful, etcetc. He should be excited about the idea of a relationship with younot hesistant. Its a weird situation that I guess I just have to let it play out on its own. I dont disrespect him for it though, because it is cheapest, plus his grandfather passed away and it brings his grandmother comfort. Foot note about the pig I was dating, I got in a brutal car accident a few days ago and I can barely move. If you live in the current moment (and not in an imaginary future, trying to bring it about), then youll be present with the guy. I was kind of looking for how to proceed, and almost getting to the point where I figured I should just cut it off and save myself the heartache later on. I dont like that i get anxiety and i just want to be with this guy cause hes one the most nicest and respectful guys i ever met. Im not going to take fitness advice from someone who is terrible shape and I would encourage you not to ever listen to dating advice from someone who has never had a good relationship (unless you are looking for a recipe on how NOT to act). Id really be a mess then. Take our quiz, and try our visualizations. . or am i just overthinking it? Okayso when do you decide to actually make that leap into something official? Ive been given horrible advice from my girl friends and guy friends who have been in successful relationships. I just dont know that Ill ever understand. my ex boyfriend of 3 years recently contacted me and said that he misses me he said that hes not ready to get back together yet but wants to in the future he also said that being with other people (as in not in a commited relationship just kissing or watever else) is going to happen sometime at the start all this sounded okay to me we agreed to meet up no and then to keep the spark alive but i just dont know if i can wait because i know myself that if he was with other girls i would never be able to trust him which would result in us not being together in the future any advice.? Mind you we knew on whatsapp all we do most times is chat and video call but all that has dropped gradually. . Know what I mean? Started out really liking them, but then it never grew into anything more. Ok.. Come on.. We had a chat about it (me holding back tears and him being soft and docile and cute) and he said he always hated the semantics of titles and he always calls me his girl and we are quite clearly together and it is what it is and its lovely and why eff it up blah blah blah. i never felt like this about anyone else before. Haha they used the same excuses, but now an actual dude decided to write a book about it and put it on paper. Im trying not to let it stress me. BUT: he is sending me mixed signals: calling me baby, holding me at night, kissing me goodbye, getting jealous of other guys. The title thing bugs me, sure. He doesnt reply my text messages immediately nd he doesnt call often sometimes a few days before calling or a week. my problem seems clear. In most cases, your ex will have blocked you on all platforms; you can't call, email, or message them on social media. A realistic DISTANT future of hypotheticals. I feel like I have two choices: Walk away and just be friends but then we will lose the closeness we have. . and he said another thing also that he finds me unromantic I m literally confused what he wants..?? Ive been seeing this guy for basically two months to the day today. He holds my hand in public, has introduced me to his best and most close and personal friends, and the few family members he has that live in this state. He responded that because I told him to stay away, he would have to be cliche and fight even harder for me. They even move in together. Any suggestions are welcome. I have had a couple of men toy with me and then call it a mis-communication after being intimate with me. Do you think it would be worth it to try something first before throwing it completely away. In a way I can see that I pressured him to make a choice. As most of us know, be leary of the man who tries to get you to be his GF before 3 months of seeing eachother. He may be afraid of commitment or just wanna have fun. neither one of us are seeing any one else. I am reading Lord of the Rings for him (I love the movies, but havent read the books). I enjoy my freedom and have other male friends, but have no desire for intimacy with them. I let him know its no biggie to me either way. The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called I went through a VERY similar situation. What I dont understand is how its a huge pain in the ass just to say the freakin words. Be selfish. We would go out together with our mutual friends. I have been dating a man for two months now. Especially since we had both agreed already that we were not seeing anyone else and were not going to. He pressed me for details. This man us short and not conventionally handsome (but I found him adorable) and I was always told by friends that knew both of us that I was out of his league, which I think is baloney. BUT if ur not comfortable with it then screw him and on to the nxt one! He is saying this in other words to exclude the relationship factor. Weve been seeing eachother for about 5 months, and I came out of an unhealthy 3 year relationship last May. I DONT GET IT!!!!! I feel he is in love with me and hes called me his girl. For me its just not quite enough and my friends have said what if someone comes along who is ready to fully commit and want to be a couple sooner?? You need to walk away. Thats complete BS. I was so mad and upset. He is always Complementing me and he tells me how lucky he is to have me and he always tells me Im hot and Im beautiful and that hes a lucky man he always says Im awesome and Im an angel and he appreciates the things that I do for him and he always tells me but I just dont know who we are And I just dont know how to start a life with him my house is up for sale and Im buying a small town home he talks about helping me work on my townhome since he is an electrician But that hasnt in possible yet what to do what to do how to get him to really commit he told me from the very beginning of our dating that he never wants to be married I told him from the very beginning even going through my divorce at the time that I Do you want to be married again someday and that I am a relationship kind of girl so he is aware. Her relationship isnt a picture-perfect, fairytale relationship, but theres no such thing as perfect and overall it is a very good, fulfilling relationship for her. He did give me the choice in the end, because he said he didnt want me to get hurt. I would say focus on being fun and lighthearted and enjoying the relationship for exactly what it is. Long story short. Worse thing about it is that he says he still cares about me and wants to be friends. What is this? Also, if we want to have children, we have a time cap on that; men dont, the can be a zillion and still father a child. What are you? recently he has been saying things to me like im not your boyfriend. This way the transition from him being everything to be to nothing will not be so hard on me. is he loses his interest in me?? The hard part is just acting it out. It is actually an acronym coined by Dan Savage, a sex advice columnist. What do you think I should do? Furthermore, it is absolutely selfish of him to CONTINUE to date you when you have expressed that you are looking for a title. Things should be easy in the beginning. He makes time for me, he shares deep emotions with me, we see each other every weekend, even when we are exhausted from our opposite work schedules and the hour drive. Youre asking what outsiders think. he doesnt really text me every day either.. sometimes just a how are you women want to go deep and we open the womb the womb is a place of depth, expansion, feelings when we allow a man to penetrate us he goes deep into this womb space and opens it deeply..no denialso thats happened with me with this man..
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