Focus your energies on getting out or fixing it versus combing through their Apple Watch in their sleep. and if someone wants to cheat they'll find a way. I feel like these text messages show that you have some feelings for her that youre not admitting or whatever it is you feel) for 30 minutes. Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 01/08/2021 - 11:10am, Submitted by weightedworld on Mon, 01/11/2021 - 10:27am. Then looking at their texts and social media without their knowledge is a problem. You're willing to act on the information found. My boyfriend went through my phone! - Relationships Are Not sure how it got bumped back up into the conversation, Submitted by thisgirlrighthere on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 11:30pm, If you've noticed behavioural changes (keeping his phone on him at all time, waiting until you're out of the room to check his phone, keeping it on silent etc), then I see zero problem why have the wool pulled over your eyes because you don't want to be "that person ". I realized that when I had that hinky feeling, I should have left. Exploring and demystifying relationship issues, one topic at a time. Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 4:31am. As have his dealings with thieving SD and the repudation of his promise to me about getting our money back, and also giving consenquences. In the old days, we heard everything that was going on because we used landline phones and spoke out loud. When I opened the app it showed that one of the pictures of her in her bikini had been opened in the last month. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. Submitted by SCDad01 on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 9:26am. I have brought up my worries about Heather to my boyfriend, several times about how I feel she may still have a soft spot for him based on her affectionate messages (despite her having a boyfriend) to him which I would see from time to time if he was showing me things on his phone and each time, he would sit down and spend how ever long it takes to make me feel better about the situation by saying that he sees her as nothing more than a sister and he would choose me over her in his life etc. I would never snoop for the sake of it, I believe that is wrong, and I hope I am never again in the situation where I feel DH is keeping vital info from me again. She has a PW book and uses a different PW for just about all of her accounts. I told him that if he wants to take such measures, he cant be doing so for me, as this may cause resentment later on but he is insisting it is for both of us and that this has been a long time coming, even before him and I were in a relationship. Suspicion begets suspicion after all. Why are people so fearful about what their spouse might do? My fianc went through my phone and found something Most of the time, it's because the couple has the philosophy that their lives are a combination of "yours, mine, and ours" and that personal texts to friends, family, and work are for their eyes only. Chances are that when we feel the need to pore over our husbands' phones, it's because there's an underlying issue that's eating away at us. Absolutely. You do what you gotta do. Went through my husbands phone and found Considering the state of the relationship will also help you to take the right steps whether in making things right or leaving the relationship. My dh and Ido not use the lock feature on our phones. Relationship expert Dr. Dwayne Buckingham also weighs in. No matter how smart and mature our guys are, they will still always be guys. It wasn't so dark or so deep. You turned me on to Chump Lady several years ago, and I found her website useful even though I wasn't married to a cheater. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Every individual deserves some level of privacy, even when they enter into a relationship with another Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 7:44am. Why is it your responsibility to go looking through his phone versus him offering up information when asked without question? Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 11:50am. Those two things will exist when we have brain implants that we used to telepathically communicate with one another. I am one who thinks going through a spouse's phone is a breach of privacy. Your partner may be storing saucy photos, videos and apps right by Giulia Simolo Jul 6, 2017. If You Snoop, You're The Bad Guy. Husband's This is a tricky situation, seeing that you broke his trust, and he broke yours, and the tables could turn both ways. Not just the spouse's privacy, but the privacy of those who communicate with the spouse. But first, there is something you should know: my boyfriend and I were friends before we became anything more, and whilst we were friends, he told me that he had kissed his closest female friend (Heather) once. They can sometimes be weird (like what if I just took all my clothes off in the middle of this store), but mine are often violent and very distressing (walking down the stairs holding my son and suddenly thinking about throwing him down the stairs, or checking on my daughter at night and thinking what if I smothered her with a pillow), and sometimes they can lead to awful nightmares. It doesn't fix anything unless you're actually willing to act. "When you feel compelled to snoop, youre acting from fear, doubt, insecurity and distrust," Emily Bouchard, a certified money coach, tells Bustle. Next, I went through his apps. I told him I went through his phone and his text messages with Heather, he looked shellshocked and said so? and I said that they werent okay, he replied with pure anger and said you shouldnt have done that and walked away. I don't think he had any intention ofcheating on me, but he did fall into the trap of hanging out with her, and being in regular contact with her, because she gave him non-stop validation and praiseabout the contentious issue of his revolting son. When I asked what he was doing, he shoved my phone in my face and it was a sex video of me and the man who I question. It comes down in a lot of ways to our different personalities. Some might say that was almost like an 'emotional affair'. Did you suspect he might behaving an affair? When I asked what he was doing, he shoved my While I saw messy eyebrows, oversized pores, and the pillow line on my forehead, he saw me, his wife the woman he loves. He only plays the Pokmon games that came out when we were kids because he doesn't like the new versions. It's disrespectful. We have each other passwords for emergency but we have neither desire nor time nor need to monitor each other or snoop. Having this arrangement isn't always for nefarious reasons. It's rooted in previous poor decisions by your spouse, or your own issues where you can't trust anyone you're in a relationship woth, or your own insecurities. Feeling hurt by his reaction too. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sneaking my phone back in my room. Web2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 But why do you need to know every word he says? Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 7:13pm. Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 7:48am. These days, I will generally only snoop through his phone if there is talk of his son wanting to come and visit. I think if you have a valid and strong reason to think they are being unfaithful then perhaps it's not unwarranted to contfront them and tell them you need to see their phone.. but that is always a risk that you damage the trust if there was nothing going on. But if a couple has that trust in a marriage, why would a spouse even feel the need to ask for their phone or go into their FB or email? It is a violation of their privacy. Eventually whatever issue you had will cure itself. I went through my boyfriends phone and found something Not nudes or anything, but they were all of her from when she had visited our house and were taken without her knowing I think. She had no idea and it turns out she was very glad she did so even though everyone told her it was wrong. 3.) I went through his phone. One time my kid was all, Whats your password, dad? to look something up and he was all, Give the phone to me and I immediately said, Its *****. He was all shell-shocked, as you perfectly described. 11 Reasons Not To Snoop 1. I Looked Through My Boyfriends Phone Because I Thought He Was CheatingHe Wasnt And He Dumped Me. Hed been a bit distant and distracted for a while, so I decided to snoop through his phone. Nosing through someone's stuff is disrespectful, not only to the person you're seeing, but also to yourself, and to your relationship, Brateman says. When is it ok to look through your husband's phone. If one has nothing to hide, then they shouldnt hide it and Im a strong believer in that. Scan this QR code to download the app now. It saved me from years of being used, lied to,and taken advantage of by her. New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations The need to look at someone's phone means there are trust problems in the relationship. It is not likeliar/cheateris going to be truthful with you when you ask them anyways. I really appreciate how he's always so forthcoming with it. I am also examining my options. Since this was off on the wrong foot to start, DH has been completely transparent about whatever they talk about and makes sure to keep me in the loop. Although you will need to organize your thoughts so that youre not overly emotional, you also need to be entirely honest about how you feel about what you found on his phone. Like I said above my husband and I promised to be honest with each other about our feelings, and he has told me that when he first met his coworker he had a small crush on her and finds her very attractive (we're both bi and I told him I had the same feelings and it became a little joke between us), but that he could never see a relationship between them working out because of how different their personalities and priorities are. I think people are confusing "snooping" with "agreed upon open access". Submitted by SteppingOut_2020 on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 12:28pm. I am doing what I have to so Iam financially secure. Then looking at their texts and social media isn't a problem for the two of you. If they hestitate or refuse, they are hiding something. It was never an agreement we made. If this blows up your relationship, GOOD. How to confront your boyfriend after snooping, My boyfriend is ignoring me, should I ignore him too?, What to do when you feel insecure in a relationship. Keeping something private doesnt mean that you are keeping it a secret. Not just the spouse's privacy, but the privacy of those who communicate with the spouse. Ex husband went through my phone while I was asleep If so, youre in the right place. I said no because I wasn't. Nosing through someone's stuff is disrespectful, not only to the person you're seeing, but also to yourself, and to your relationship, Brateman I believe both spouses should share access to all social media accounts and passwords and keep those passwords current with each other. I get what you're saying that having open and honest communication and access to communication is important to healthy marriages. That said, it still stung because it reminded me of a period that I'm ashamed to admit out loud. This might sound cheesy, but I suggest agreeing on a time together to have the conversation and agreeing upon an amount of time to talk about it. You should be able to ask for your spouse's phone at anytime and they freely and immediately give it to you. Now, I never went through his stuff, but I did give him That Look (arched eyebrow with a smirk), like, I know more than you think, but Im too cool to say so, and you think you are so cute with your password protected phone. Its what you DONT say! Your boyfriend has sent questionable messages to a girl with whom he has a relationship that youre not entirely comfortable withand he knows it, and he broke your trust in this way. Yes there is something to be said that if there is ongoing distrust in a relationship then thats one thing, but just to check something out for yourself if you suspect something then I see nothing wrong with that. There are things on there Id rather he not see, like texts between girlfriends & my steptalk account lol, but nothing I wouldnt be honest about it he were to find it. For some reason, I'm like Captain Hook from Peter Pan, and SS is like the crocodile. Because what happens when you find something that isn't cheating but was a white lie (they said they went to George's but actually ended up at Seth's as the night progressed because Seth had a pool)? WebNow onto the actual problem: I went through my husband's phone a few nights ago in a panic after a very vivid and graphic nightmare (I think it was triggered by a news story I'd Now, she will either lay off him, and scuttle away, embarrassed, or confront him or tease him about it, in which case hell be put on the spot either way. Absolutely not. But those things were always true! Also her phone was recieving texts late at night while we were in bed together. Sometimes that need for privacy comes from having someone previously abuse the "open phone" policy. I don't remember hers since I don't go into her accounts. But the only way to find out for certain was to just look through my husband's phone. Submitted by Missingme on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 9:57pm, Submitted by Steptotheright on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 9:43am. Doesn't sound fun? My boyfriend went through my phone Im sorry for the long essay and thank you for reading! BM and his past financial, and boundary,choiceswith regard to herhave been a big issue. Youve looked in the Cloud, went through her phone and found nothing that would incriminate her. Submitted by DPW on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 3:09pm. My DH's secrecy has caused problems in our relationship, major ones really. If I do still happen to go through SO's phone, and get caught (which I won't), I can just say well you made me suspicious by asking if I was going through your phone. It is a gross violation of privacy, same way as reading another's diary without permission. husband went through my phone Submitted by Jojo4124 on Thu, 01/07/2021 - 9:53am. He knows everything about my friends, my family and vice versa. And those two things help to save marriages, imo and in the opinions of many sane/honest experts on marriage and family issues. 4. If your spouse can't relay information and gets crabby being asked about information relayed to them that you need to know, then that's a problem that will permeate into other areas of your marriage. Relationship expert Dr. Dwayne Buckingham also weighs in. Archived post. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. As you can imagine I was shocked and angry and went to check his texts but there was nothing to lead me to believe they were having an affair. I am one who thinks going through a spouse's phone is a breach of privacy. I am also well aware that the rate of infidelity in contemporary marriages is north of 50 percent. If you and your spouse have a "mi cell phone es se cell phone" agreement, great! But I think if SO has given you cause to mistrust (previous infidelity ECT), then a phone search is certainly warranted. It's like cheating in retaliation for cheating. And I'll do it again if I have to. that is a huge red flag! I Went Through My Boyfriends Phone And Found Something Are you prepared for them to not only be upset with you, but likely lock down their life further and not trust you? Acknowledging the fact that you have trust issues with your boyfriend is the first step in solving this problem. Last night, I had his phone in my hand and my curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping through his texts with her. It is probably not super healthy but we both deal with it and it is not a massive issue for us. You were suspicious first. If he went through my phone he wouldn't be the least bit surprised by anything, but I still want privacy and the ability to carry on conversations that he's not privvy to. Im just part of an old married couple, but Im all Heres my password, whatever. Through Your Be willing to accept the consequences if you're wrong. Once that feeling starts, most likely, you have relationship issues whether you look at their phone or not. I don't want to see who he calls or texts unless he chooses to share with me. I couldnt care less if my DH looked at my phone, Ive got nothing to hide. Submitted by Steptotheright on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 5:39pm. This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated, This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by. Doesn't that show more of an issue with your spouse's communication style and ability versus an issue with texting as a whole? So I wasn't exactly stunned to find a four-year-old text about buying a piece of costume jewelry for a pretty lady friend. My But I've always kept half an eye on his phone from time to ever after. Secrecy is a different ball park. All you did was break the relationship more than it was already broken. Jane Lewis, a 40-year-old from New Jersey, claims she is "devastated" after discovering old text messages on her husband's phone calling her "ugly" and bragging about how he was using her. My girlfriends text me and sometimes vent to me and pour out their hearts. Youve mentioned to him before that you dont feel comfortable about heather (and rightly so!!). The only lust I've uncovered is for cake and lemon bars. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sneaking my phone back in my room. Any opinions to add here? For those who choose to have an open phone policy, that's great, and if you want to do that, I have no issue with it. My dad was recently hospitalized going through the emergency room so my mom ended up with all of his belongings that he entered in with.. including his phone. I consider it discovery. Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 1:32pm. It's called accountability and full transparency. And believe me, that day always comes and it creates a much bigger issue than if DH had just dealt with it in the first place. WebRead a story about a woman who discovered that her husband is still communicating with an ex-flame by going through his phone. Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 9:36pm. Sometimes that need for privacy is due to the nature of their work where information needs to be protected. We got through them. I went through my husband's phone It is important you remember that you will be tempted to jump to conclusions; please dont do that. If you date/marry someone who wants their cell phone to be private, all you're doing is setting your relationship up to fail if you think "oh, I'll just snoop instead". Scan this QR code to download the app now. Keeping something private doesnt mean that you are keeping it a secret. That lady with the brown roots and the frizz? Do I think I made the right decison to do so? The moment we go through his phone without asking is the moment we break the trust in our relationship. He doesnt have my password, nor do I have his, but we use one anothers phones for google etc when we need to. And I really, really fucking wish I hadn't. Right or wrong- whatever I found- If I have lost faith and respect in my spouse then why am I even married? Now onto the actual problem: I went through my husband's phone a few nights ago in a panic after a very vivid and graphic nightmare (I think it was triggered by a news story I'd seen about a father committing a murder suicide) while I was half asleep, and I saw that he had pictures of his female coworker on there. I found some text messages between .css-lwn4i5{display:block;font-family:Neutra,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;letter-spacing:-0.01rem;margin-bottom:0;margin-top:0;text-align:center;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-lwn4i5:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-lwn4i5{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.1;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-lwn4i5{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.1;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-lwn4i5{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.1;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-lwn4i5{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.1;}}75 Best Thank-You Messages, 80 'Good Morning' Texts to Start Your Day, 100 Touching Birthday Wishes for Girlfriends. The fact that you went through your boyfriends phone is a red flag: it means that you dont trust him enough. My When that level of trust is established, there is basically no need to snoop around their personal effects. I have met her twice now and could tell there was something very untrustworthy and very two-faced about her. Understandably I was angry about this but I knew that there could be very reasonable explanations for all of these things so I just left it alone. Youve looked in the Cloud, went through her phone and found nothing that would incriminate her. If You Snoop, You're The Bad Guy. I think three conditions have to be met before you look through your spouse's phone: 1.) Last night, I had his phone in my hand and my curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping through his texts with her. Submitted by sandye21 on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 10:42am. I think its very inappropriate that she sends him photos of her dressed up etc and emotionally cheating with her bf by asking him for a kiss, etc. Went through my boyfriends phone and I seriously I went through my mans phone and found that he had been looking at some pictures on a site called smoking hot selfies. I think there are two transgressions here: 1. Since we broke upI have found out many other things about her that she lied to me about. He doesn't look at stuff on my phone but I do look at things on his on occassion. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Not just the spouse's privacy, but the privacy of those who communicate with the spouse. Is it normal to expect DH to discuss BM's ridiculous demands with me- I only want to help him come to a better solution, Giving BM authorized access to health insurance. Exactly instead of being played for years by a narcissist, discover the truth. 1. I use my notes as a diary app, any venting, ranting, Has nothing to do with not trusting each other, but has to do with I lost my phone in an uber and because it just makes it easier when trying to plan logistics sometimes, or even sometimes I forget to tell my bf I made it safely to happy hour with my friends or something then hours go by and my bf is like are you still alive? I found some text messages between them, one of which was her saying that he was the love of her life and he responded with I hope so as she was really special. I found out through snooping and I hit the roof. But having said that, I'm really against it because you shouldn't have to. Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 5:28am. When it comes to privacy between husband and wife, where do you stand? He has admitted to himself (which was important) and to me, that it stems from his fear of confrontation. And him saying you broke his trust is just him trying to take the blame off him. After some blow outs (he focused on the snooping and deflected from the findings), DH and I agreed to have an open phone policy. He started a conversation with her and it started innocently enough, but it lead to her asking about me, just your basic "how's your girlfriend?" WebWe would like to show you a description here but the site wont allow us. I want a partner, not a child I have to keep tabs on. How many of you are in a relationship with a narcissist? I don't believe he forgives (just an excuse for not standing up for himself or dealing with his choices), he just ignores and makes it a problem for another day. Youve looked in the Cloud, went through her phone and found nothing that would incriminate her. Last night, I had his phone in my hand and my curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping through his texts with her. No, honey, it's just Helvetica. What else was lurking in the image files? Please log in OR register. "[My husband's] world had come undone, so he was collapsing, so [I We will frequently use which ever of our phone's is nearest if we want to google something or do something else on a phone. Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 6:43am. If it makes you feel better, and less stressed, take it anytime. Going through your boyfriends phone could be that thing. So, maybe you first talk about the snoopingits underlying causes (what were you feelingtrulywhen you did it), his reaction to it (i.e. You should be aware that he may get angry at you for this and be prepared for his reaction. People don't "become one" when they are married. WebHe ignored me- I left my phone at home one time to go shopping and he took it upon himself to go through my notes.